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Posted by Mackie on 06/25/06 10:12
Just read the New York Times review of the Merchant/Ivory swan song,
recently out on DVD, "The White Countess". After seeing that, I did an
image search on the reviewer, not because I have plans of hiring a
Mafia hit-man to see to it that the dumb punk never writes another such
clueless review, but only because I thought it might be interesting to
see if he looks just as coarse, square and snotty as he sounds, panning
the manner of art that he just can't understand.
No dice. Not a single photo to be found. So you can see that this
reviewer has at least the native sense not to leave anything graphic
laying around that could serve the purposes of imitative or contagious
black magic--well you know, just in case an irate Merchant/Ivory fan
could find a Santeria priest-for-hire, who could just, sort of, blow
some real evil gris-gris of Newport or Winston cigarette smoke on a
pic-print of this criminally unhip-yuppie reviewer in question. Voila!
The nerd is instantaneously croaked, as if from second-hand,
psychosomatic side-stream cancer--if not that he should be pickled into
the bargain by the mouth-spewed 180 proof rum spray.
Think about it! Get real serious for a minute and imagine what a
tragedy for Murder Incorporated this Voodoo religion could be--eh? If
it really worked, Mafia whack contractors would be put totally out of
work--unless they got hip real quick, to join up with the AFL/CIO, for
a good old fashioned picket-line strike. And then you'd see all these
Italian suited wiseguys, their short necks and tie-knots hidden behind
those long, pointy "Tony" collars, standing around outside the
neighborhood store-front Voodoo temple. "Unfair Competition!" "Black
Magic = Restraint of Trade!" "Raw Deal!" Imagine seeing some of that
on your nightly up-to-the-minute Wolf Blitzer report.
Yeah, I don't know--it would be *so nice* if Voodoo really worked. How
many of you right now reading this would be safe? Would you dare
disagree with me, that "The White Countess" should walk away with the
Oscar for Best Picture next spring? I see that it was released in
December of '05, so . . . we'll just have to wait and see; maybe it's
already too late for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
Got to get back to that Santeria web-site now and see what more I can
learn. Then let some Billy Goat just try and call me "troll" because I
exercise my human (cross-posting) rights? Yeah, then see where that
manner of square Big Brother trip gets 'em--in case there's a
web-address with their JPG up on it?
Or maybe just a Usenet post would do just as well. Print that sucker
up, say a few incantations, huff a puff of Lucky Strike smoke on that,
and check it out, baby--I could make your pants fall down, cause a ten
pound pigeon to fly over and poop a two pound dollop of white-wash on
your backward cap, just as you were about to flip it around and ask
some chick out for a date.
--
Mackie
http://vignettes-mackie.blogspot.com/
"Do You Like Stinky Girls?"
http://doo-dads.blogspot.com/
Poetry?
http://whosenose.blogspot.com
Politics?
http://jpdavid.blogspot.com/
A Punk Rock Nancy Drew?
"It's like butter." Linda Richman
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