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Posted by Angrie, dammit on 10/01/09 11:46
Chrome Boy wrote:
> LIST OF RULES
>
> 1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
> newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World
> Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you
> fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be
> totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
>
> 2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any
> exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will
> lose it (your eye).
>
> 3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind,
> as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If
> you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on
> right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to
> the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
>
> 4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
> refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
> expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up
> the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.
>
> 5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
> fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please
> do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the
> games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am,
> unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
>
> 6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is
> losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry,
> they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me
> angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more
> about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will
> only lead to a break up or divorce.
>
> 7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me
> during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the
> halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one"
> game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend
> time together".
>
> 8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have
> seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
>
> 9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
> parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
> a) I will not go,
> b) I will not go, and
> c) I will not go.
>
> 10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch
> a game, we will be there in a flash.
>
> 11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
> important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you
> have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we
> can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
>
> 12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World
> Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this
> comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier
> League, etc etc.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
Jusst send her out for a date with an American and you'll be good to go.
She'll be home 'round the end of January.
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