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Posted by DH on 12/22/06 10:26
POD {Ò¿Ó} wrote:
> With Christmas almost upon us, I'd like to extend my heartfelt
> appreciation to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
> me "forwards" over the past 12 months.
>
> Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy. Extra
> thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on
> envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
> seal an envelope.
>
> Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because
> of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it
> can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing
> characteristic. I no longer check the coin return on public phones
> because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
> wild boar on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping centres because
> someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me. I no longer eat
> KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no
> eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214
> angels looking out for me. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only
> answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and
> make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any savings because I
> gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the
> hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
>
> I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I
> receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
> participating in their special on-line email program.
>
> Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will
> now return the favour!>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
> people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of
> diahorrea will land on your head at 5:00PM (EST) this afternoon. I know
> this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
> neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
>
> Ciao suckers
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious
persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with
respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of
others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions
at all ... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and
medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally
accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the
calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society
have helped make our country great (not to imply that our country is
necessarily greater than any other country or is the only great country
in the Western or any other hemisphere), and without regard to the race,
creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual
orientation of the wishee.
This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a
period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday
greeting, whichever comes first. "Holiday" is not intended to, nor shall
it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or
observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious
community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).
DISCLAIMER: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following
terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any
reason or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable
with no alteration to the original greeting.
This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any
of the wishes for the wishee, him/herself or others, or responsibility
for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or
non-implementation of same.
This greeting is void where prohibited by law.
In accordance with enviromental policies procedures and practices no
trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant
number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.
DH
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